This weekend at the Bloor Hot Docs Cinema we showed the Banff Mountain Film Festival World Tour. There was a brief introduction before each short film, so I found myself sitting in the theatre watching most of them. | laughed, teared up, and gasped at the incredible feats I was witnessing on the screen. More importantly, I was incredibly moved and motivated by the sheer determination of the people I saw accomplishing these near-impossible feats.
People from all walks of life were standing up to their fears and living life to the fullest. They were pushing themselves outside their comfort zone and finding strengths they never knew existed.
They were not taking life for granted.
Since I started the process of writing my one-woman show about life after rape, I'm finding that I'm awakening to the fact that I bitch about a lot of things that are pretty trivial when you look at the big picture. Yes, I get upset and angry about this or that, but sitting here typing this, I see that I really have no reason to bitch at all about 3/4 of the things I do end up bitching about. And that makes me feel like a total bitch.
I've simply been conditioned by the kind of society we live in to vent my frustrations out in this manner.
First World Problems, indeed.
My financial situation is horrific, my lungs are not (and never have been) fully 100% functional, I live in a pretty crappy neighbourhood, and I still suffer periodically from a paralyzing lack of self-confidence. But .... I'm alive. I could have checked out a few times (once at my attacker's hands, the others at my own) but I didn't.
I'm still here for a reason, but haven't got a clue as to what that reason might be.
What I *do* know is that it's time for me to step up and push myself outside my comfort zone again. The past 2 years have provided opportunities for me to do so a few times, and though it was terrifying at first, the reward of getting through to the other side and feeling strong and in control afterwards was greater than anything I could have ever imagined.
It's incredible how writing all of this out makes me feel as strong as accomplishing the feat itself. I now promise to do more writing and pushing myself.
And it's a promise I make to not only you, my dear friends and readers, but also to myself.